Getting Started

Who needs end-of-life planning?

Anyone over 18. You don't need to be sick, elderly, or wealthy to benefit from having a plan in place. If you have a bank account, people who depend on you, or wishes you want honored, you need a plan. The most common triggers are life changes: a new baby, a marriage or divorce, a parent's diagnosis, buying a home, or simply the realization that nobody knows where anything is. If something happened to you tomorrow, would the people you love know what to do? That's the question worth sitting with.

I don't know where to start with estate planning. What do I do first?

Start with two documents: a healthcare proxy and a power of attorney. These protect you while you're alive. A healthcare proxy designates someone to make medical decisions if you can't. A power of attorney designates someone to handle your finances and legal matters if you're incapacitated. Without these two documents, the people who love you are legally powerless in a crisis even if everyone agrees on what should happen. Once those are in place, the next step is a will. Everything else builds from there. If you're not sure where to find an attorney, I can help with that too.

Do I need a will in my 40s?

Yes. If you have assets, children, a partner, or opinions about what should happen to your belongings and your body, you need a will. Without one, the state decides how your estate is distributed according to a formula that may have nothing to do with your actual wishes. A will also allows you to name a guardian for minor children, name an executor you trust, and leave specific items to specific people. It doesn't have to be complicated or expensive. It just needs to exist.

What documents should every adult have?

At minimum: a healthcare proxy designating who makes medical decisions for you, a power of attorney designating who handles your finances and legal matters, a will specifying how your assets are distributed and who cares for any minor children, and an advance directive or living will documenting your medical wishes. Beyond those, useful documents include a digital asset inventory, a list of accounts and insurance policies with their locations, and emergency contact information. I help people get all of this organized in one place so nothing is missing when it matters.

What happens if I die without a will?

Your estate passes according to your state's intestacy laws, which follow a fixed formula based on legal relationships. This means an estranged family member could inherit before a partner you've been with for years, a close friend gets nothing regardless of your wishes, and the court appoints an administrator rather than someone you would have chosen. If you have minor children, a judge decides guardianship without your input. It's a preventable outcome. A basic will can be done relatively quickly and affordably with the right attorney.

I just got divorced. What do I need to update?

More than most people realize, and faster than feels urgent. Beneficiary designations on retirement accounts and life insurance do not automatically update after a divorce. If your ex-spouse is still named, they may inherit regardless of your divorce decree. You'll also want to update your will, your power of attorney, your healthcare proxy, and any joint accounts or transfer-on-death designations. This is one of the most common planning gaps I see. Life changes but paperwork doesn't unless you make it.

When is the best time to start planning?

Now. Planning while things are calm gives you more control, more options, and less pressure. It also means the people you love won't be making difficult decisions without your guidance. I work with clients in their 30s, 40s, 50s, and beyond. Age isn't the trigger. Life circumstances are. If you've recently married, divorced, had children, bought property, received a diagnosis, or simply realized your parents are aging, it's time.

Are your services only for people who are elderly or dying?

Not at all. Most of my clients are in their 30s to 60s: busy professionals, adult children supporting aging parents, solo agers, and people navigating major life transitions. End-of-life planning is for anyone who wants to reduce the burden on the people they love. You don't have to wait for a crisis to get your affairs in order. In fact the whole point is that you don't.

Chosen Family, Solo Agers, and LGBTQ+ Planning

I don't rely on biological family. What does planning look like for me?

It looks intentional, and it matters more, not less. Chosen family, close friends, and trusted community members can absolutely serve as your healthcare proxy, power of attorney, executor, and beneficiaries. The law doesn't require biological relationships for any of these roles. What it does require is documentation. Without legal paperwork, hospitals default to biological next of kin, courts default to blood relatives, and the people who actually know and love you may have no legal standing to act on your behalf. Getting the right documents in place is how you make sure the people you've chosen are the ones who show up.

I'm part of the LGBTQ+ community. Are there specific planning considerations I should know about?

Yes, and they matter regardless of your relationship status or whether you're married. Legal protections for LGBTQ+ individuals and couples vary significantly by state and can shift with legislative changes. Even in states with strong protections, biological family members can challenge decisions and contest wills if the paperwork isn't airtight. The most important things you can do: name your partner or chosen family explicitly in your healthcare proxy and power of attorney, make sure your will is current and clearly executed, name beneficiaries on all financial accounts, and document your wishes in writing. If you and your partner are not legally married, you have fewer automatic legal protections and need more explicit documentation, not less.

I'm a solo ager without obvious people to step in. How do I build a plan?

Thoughtfully and proactively, which is exactly what you're doing by asking. Solo agers need a more deliberate plan because there isn't a default person waiting in the wings. The first step is identifying two or three people you trust enough to designate for specific roles: a healthcare proxy, a power of attorney, and an executor don't all have to be the same person and often shouldn't be. These can be friends, neighbors, colleagues, or members of your community. Beyond people, it's worth knowing that professional fiduciaries and daily money managers can serve in some of these roles if your personal network is limited. I specialize in helping solo agers build a plan that is realistic, documented, and actually workable for how their life is structured.

Do I need to plan even if I don't have children or a partner?

Especially if you don't. Solo agers and people without traditional family structures often need a more intentional plan precisely because there isn't an obvious default person to step in. Without a plan, the state decides what happens to your assets and medical decisions may fall to people you wouldn't have chosen. I specialize in helping people identify trusted individuals, get the right documents in place, and build a plan that reflects how they actually live.

Helping Aging Parents

How do I get my parents to talk about end-of-life planning?

This is one of the most common things people come to me with, and the short answer is: don't lead with the hard stuff. Most people shut down when a conversation opens with wills, death, or what happens when you die. A better entry point is something practical and non-threatening, like asking if they know where their important documents are, or sharing that you've been doing your own planning and it got you thinking. Sometimes a third party, someone who isn't their child, can have the conversation more easily than you can. I help adult children find the right approach for their specific family dynamic.

My parents won't talk about their will or finances. What do I do?

You're not alone and this is genuinely hard. Resistance usually comes from one of a few places: a belief that talking about death invites it, a fear of losing control, old family patterns around money being private, or simply not knowing where to start themselves. Pushing harder rarely works. What tends to work better is finding a side door: a news story, a friend's experience, a practical question rather than an emotional one. I work with adult children to figure out the right approach for their specific situation and sometimes facilitate those conversations directly as a neutral third party.

How do I know if my parents have their affairs in order?

The honest answer is that you probably don't, and most parents haven't told their children as much as the children assume. The key things to know are whether they have a current will and where it is, whether they have a healthcare proxy and power of attorney designating someone they trust, where their important financial documents and insurance policies are located, what their wishes are for medical care and end of life, and who their attorney and financial advisor are. You don't need to know the contents of their will. You need to know it exists and where to find it.

How do I get power of attorney for an aging parent?

A power of attorney needs to be signed by your parent while they still have legal capacity to do so. Once someone is incapacitated, it's too late to create one and the alternative is a court-ordered guardianship or conservatorship, which is expensive, slow, and public. If your parent is willing, the process involves working with an estate attorney to draft the document and having it signed, witnessed, and often notarized. I can help you prepare for that conversation and connect you with an attorney if you need one.

Do you offer support for family caregivers?

Yes. Caregiving is exhausting, isolating, and often invisible. Many of my clients are adult children managing their own lives and their parents' care simultaneously, without a clear roadmap for what to do or in what order. I help caregivers get organized, understand what's in place, identify what's missing, and figure out how to navigate the decisions ahead without burning out. I also help make sure that if something happened to the caregiver, someone else could step in and pick things up without starting from zero.

Can you help me talk to my parents about planning?

Yes, and this is one of the things I do best. Whether you need a framework for how to start, a strategy for a parent who shuts down these conversations, or a neutral third party to sit in and help facilitate, I can help. The goal is never to take over or push a particular outcome. It's to create enough safety in the conversation that everyone can actually say what they need to say and hear what they need to hear.

After a Death

What is the first thing to do when someone dies?

In the immediate hours: get a legal pronouncement of death, which is required before a death certificate can be issued. If the death happens at home under hospice care, the hospice nurse handles this. If it happens unexpectedly at home, call 911. Once that's done, contact close family and friends, notify the funeral home if arrangements have been made, and make sure any minor children or dependents are cared for. In the first week: notify Social Security, begin the process of obtaining official death certificates (get at least ten copies, more than you think you need), contact the estate attorney and executor, and start locating important documents. Everything else can wait.

I was named executor. What does that actually mean?

It means you've been entrusted with one of the most administratively complex responsibilities most people ever face, usually while you're also grieving. As executor you are responsible for locating and filing the will with the probate court if required, notifying financial institutions and government agencies, managing and protecting estate assets, paying valid debts and taxes, distributing assets according to the will, and closing accounts. The average estate takes 12 to 18 months to fully settle and involves over 100 tasks. You are allowed to hire help. An estate attorney, accountant, and after loss consultant can each handle significant pieces of this. Using estate funds to pay for professional support is both legal and reasonable.

How long does it take to settle an estate?

On average, 12 to 18 months, though complex estates or those that go through probate can take longer. The timeline depends on how organized the deceased's affairs were, whether there is a will, whether the estate needs to go through probate, the complexity of the assets, and whether there are any disputes among beneficiaries. One of the most significant things a person can do to protect their loved ones is to get organized now so that the people settling their estate spend less time searching and more time closing things out.

Who helps with paperwork and ADMINISTRATIVE TASKS after someone dies?

An after loss consultant helps executors, surviving spouses, and adult children navigate the administrative tasks that follow a death. This includes closing accounts, notifying institutions, managing estate paperwork, coordinating with attorneys and financial advisors, and making sure nothing falls through the cracks. On average, settling an estate requires 500 or more hours of effort and over 100 tasks to complete. Having professional guidance means families spend less time scrambling and more time grieving.

What does executor support include?

Executor support helps you navigate the responsibilities of settling an estate: understanding what needs to happen and in what order, gathering and organizing documents, notifying the right institutions, managing accounts and property, coordinating with attorneys and accountants, and handling the administrative work that follows a death. Most executors have no idea what they've signed up for until they're in the middle of it. I provide a roadmap, practical support, and a steady presence through a process that can take months.

How soon after a loss should I reach out?

Whenever you're ready, which is different for everyone. I typically begin working with families about a month after a loss, when the initial shock has settled and the administrative reality is starting to set in. But if you need help sooner, I'm here for that too. There's no wrong time to reach out. The administrative tasks don't wait for grief to be finished, and having support earlier rather than later usually means less overwhelm, not more.

What emotional support do you provide after a loss?

I'm a certified grief coach and trained after loss consultant, and I bring both dimensions to the work. Grief and logistics are not separate experiences after a death. They happen at the same time, and one affects the other. I create space to acknowledge what's hard while also helping you move through what needs to get done. I'm not a licensed therapist and don't provide clinical mental health treatment. If ongoing therapeutic support is what you need, I'm happy to provide referrals.

Understanding the Work

What does an end-of-life planner do?

An end-of-life planner helps individuals and families organize the practical and emotional aspects of planning for death, decline, and loss. This includes completing advance directives and healthcare proxies, organizing important documents and digital assets, facilitating difficult family conversations, supporting caregivers, and helping people clarify their wishes before a crisis makes those conversations harder. Think of it as getting everything in order so the people you love aren't left guessing or scrambling when it matters most.

Where does your work fit in with my attorney and financial advisor?

Your estate attorney handles the legal documents. Your financial advisor handles investments, beneficiary designations, and financial planning. I handle everything that sits between and around those roles: the conversations that need to happen before documents get signed, the organization that makes your attorney's job easier and less expensive, the family dynamics that complicate decisions, the practical logistics after a loss, and the emotional weight that neither a lawyer nor a financial advisor is trained to hold. I work alongside your existing team, not instead of them. Clients often tell me that working with me first made their time with their attorney significantly more efficient.

What is the difference between end-of-life planning and estate planning?

Estate planning is primarily legal: wills, trusts, powers of attorney, beneficiary designations. An estate attorney handles those documents. End-of-life planning is broader. It covers the emotional, practical, logistical, and legacy components of preparing for what's ahead: the conversations that need to happen, the documents that need to be located and organized, the family dynamics that need navigating, and the wishes that need to be documented before anyone is too overwhelmed to think clearly. My work blends the two. I'm not replacing your estate attorney. I work alongside them.

Can you help me even if I already have an estate attorney?

Yes, and this is one of the most common situations I work with. Having an attorney is a great start. What I provide is everything that sits outside their scope: organizing your documents, facilitating family conversations, helping you think through your wishes in plain language before you formalize them legally, and making sure nothing important falls through the cracks. Your attorney handles the legal execution. I help you actually get there.

What does a death doula do, and is that what you are?

A death doula is a non-medical professional who supports individuals and families through the emotional, practical, and logistical aspects of the dying process. My training as a death doula informs everything I do, but the majority of my work is with people who are planning ahead or navigating what comes after a loss, not with people who are actively dying. I'm an end-of-life and after loss professional first. The doula training is part of my background and shapes how I show up, but it doesn't define the full scope of what I do.

What is a healthcare proxy and why do I need one?

A healthcare proxy designates someone to make medical decisions on your behalf if you're unable to make them yourself. Without one, doctors may be unable to share information with your family or act on your wishes in a crisis. This matters at every age. If you have an adult child heading to college, this is especially important: once they turn 18 you lose automatic access to their medical information, even if they're on your insurance and paying for everything. A healthcare proxy takes about ten minutes to complete and doesn't require an attorney.

What is the difference between a power of attorney and a healthcare proxy?

These are two separate documents that cover two separate areas. A power of attorney designates someone to handle your financial and legal decisions if you become incapacitated: paying bills, managing accounts, filing taxes, dealing with property. A healthcare proxy designates someone to make medical decisions. Your power of attorney cannot make healthcare decisions, and your healthcare proxy cannot access your bank accounts. You need both. They can be the same person or different people, depending on your situation and your relationships.

What is advance care planning and why does it matter?

Advance care planning is the process of documenting your medical wishes in case you're ever unable to speak for yourself. It includes a healthcare proxy, a living will, and in some cases a POLST or MOLST form for those with serious illness. These documents are a gift to your loved ones. Without them, family members are left guessing, doctors are left without guidance, and the people who love you most are making impossible decisions under pressure. Getting these documents in place is one of the most important things you can do regardless of your age or health.

Digital & Practical Planning

What happens to my bank accounts when I die?

It depends on how the accounts are set up. Accounts with a named transfer-on-death beneficiary pass directly to that person without going through probate. Joint accounts transfer to the surviving account holder. Accounts with no beneficiary designation and no joint holder get frozen until the estate is settled through probate, which can take months. This is why naming transfer-on-death beneficiaries on your bank and investment accounts is one of the simplest and highest-impact things you can do. Most banks have the forms available online or by phone.

What happens to my passwords and online accounts when I die?

Without a plan, your loved ones may be completely locked out. Most platforms don't allow family members to access accounts without proper documentation or a legacy contact designation, and some will never grant access regardless. Platforms like Facebook, Instagram, Google, and Apple allow you to designate a legacy contact or inactive account manager in your settings. Beyond that, a password manager or digital vault that a trusted person can access is the most practical solution. I help clients create a secure system for their digital assets so nothing is lost and their loved ones aren't left scrambling.

What documents should I have in place for end-of-life and estate planning?

The most important documents are a healthcare proxy, a power of attorney, an advance directive or living will, and a will or trust. Beyond those, useful documents include a digital asset inventory, emergency contact information, insurance policies, account information with beneficiary designations, and a clear record of where everything is located. I help you figure out what you need, get organized, and connect you with the right professionals to formalize the legal pieces.

What is the Plan Well Organizer?

The Plan Well Organizer is a comprehensive physical and digital planning tool I created to help individuals and families get everything in one place. It covers personal information, health and care, estate planning documents, financial accounts, digital assets, home information, caregiving, final wishes, and legacy reflections. It's designed to be filled out over time, not all at once, and to serve as a resource for both the person completing it and the people who will need it later. It will soon be available as a beautifully designed physical organizer and as a digital fillable version.

Do you draft legal documents?

No. I have a legal background as a former lawyer and can help you understand what documents you need and why, but I don't draft or execute legal documents. That's the role of a licensed estate attorney. I work alongside attorneys and can refer you to someone trustworthy and aligned with your needs. Where I add value is in helping you prepare: getting clear on your wishes, organizing what you already have, and making sure you walk into your attorney meetings ready to make decisions.

How often should I update my planning documents?

Review your documents every three to five years and after any major life change: marriage, divorce, having children, losing a spouse or partner, buying or selling property, a significant change in your financial situation, or a health diagnosis. Beneficiary designations on retirement accounts and life insurance are especially easy to overlook after a divorce or loss and can have significant unintended consequences if they're out of date.

Working Together

How is working with you different from just using a planning checklist or emergency organizer?

A checklist tells you what to do. I help you actually do it. Most people know they should have a will, a healthcare proxy, and organized documents. The reason it doesn't happen is rarely about information. It's about emotional blocks, not knowing where to start, one hard decision that creates a logjam, or not having the bandwidth to sit with something this loaded. I provide accountability, expertise, and the kind of support that makes it possible to actually finish what you start. The Plan Well Organizer is a tool I offer as part of that process, not a replacement for it.

How do you support people who are anxious or avoidant about death?

This is most people, honestly. Avoidance around death planning is normal and it doesn't mean you don't care. My approach is gentle and grounded. We move at your pace. I don't push you toward decisions you're not ready to make and I create enough space for the hard feelings that come up so they don't derail the practical work. Many of my clients are surprised by how manageable the process feels once they actually start.

Do you offer referrals for legal, financial, or emotional support?

Yes. I have a trusted network of estate attorneys, financial planners, grief therapists, geriatric care managers, and other professionals. Part of my role is helping you build the right team so you're not navigating this alone. I'll make sure the people I refer you to are aligned with your values and your situation.

Can I give your services as a gift?

Yes, and it's one of the most meaningful gifts I've seen people give. A planning session or package for someone who has been putting this off, a surviving spouse navigating loss, or an aging parent who needs support is a genuinely useful act of love. Reach out directly and we'll figure out the right fit.

Do you work virtually or only in person?

Most of my work is done virtually and I work with clients across the country. If you're in New York City or Brooklyn, in-person sessions are available. Most clients find that video calls work extremely well for this kind of work, especially because it can be done from the comfort of home.

What is the best way to get started?

Book a free consultation call. It's a no-pressure conversation where we talk about where you are, what you're trying to accomplish, and whether working together makes sense. Most people leave that call with more clarity than they came in with, regardless of whether we work together. You can schedule your free zoom session here or reach out at marni@beginwiththeend.co.